Men communicate to exchange facts and information, while women communicate to exchange experiences and feelings.
Consider the following scenario: A woman drags herself through the door after a long, stressful and exhausting day at work. “I am so fed up with that job. I don’t know if I can take it anymore.” she tells her husband. His response is generally succinct and predictable: “Quit,” he says.
That’s not the answer she’s looking for, at least not so fast. A woman really just wants her man to listen. And discuss. Commiserate even. And then listen some more. Like her girlfriends.
The problem here is that men aren’t girlfriends. They’re men. With short attention spans especially when women start talking “feelings” and emotions. To expect a man to listen and not “solve the problem” is rather like walking outside in the rain without a coat or umbrella and expecting to stay dry.
Because men are geared to approach a conversation as a way to show off their “problem solving” expertise, while women approach conversations as a way to bond with each other, “processing” the emotions surrounding the problem before actually delving into the problem.
When a woman is faced with a problem or issue, she’ll usually pick up the phone and share it with every one of her girlfriends, female relatives and other women in her social network. She doesn’t want to bottom line it, she wants to tell whole story. And every detail that goes along with it.
On the other hand, when a man has a problem to work out, chances are you won’t find him on the phone or at Poker Night confiding in his pals before upping the ante. Most probably you’ll find him puttering and tinkering in the basement or garage. In silence – and alone.
Men tend to go into themselves and internalize until they are done with the issue and ready to go on.
So what’s a girl to do? The answer is simple. Understand and accept the differences between men and women and their styles of communication. Don’t expect your man to be your girlfriend, because he can’t be. It’s not in his programming. He’s a man who, seeing you upset and hearing of a problem, wants to fix it for you. Bless his information and fact sharing heart!
Want to learn even more about the differences between how men and women process experiences? Come to Movie Night this Friday for Brene` Brown’s “The Hustle for Worthiness” Click here for more information!
