Cultivating Understanding, Compassion, Empathy

Exploring an Alternate Universe

What Makes People Tick?

All people have their own way of being in the world, what works for you may not work for everybody.

All people have their own way of being in the world. It is easiest to comprehend this basic yet profound fact when we consider that every human being on the planet occupies a distinct role in the universe. We grow up in different environments, affected by a unique range of influences. The preferences, values, and beliefs we embrace are frequently related intimately to our origins. And the need to individualize our experiences is instinctive, as doing so enables us to cope when we must face challenges on our own. Consequently, each of us has developed a perspective that is uniquely ours. Interacting peacefully and constructively with people from all walks of life is a matter of first understanding where they are coming from. Then we can adjust our expectations so that we avoid making undue assumptions about what they are about.

In the face of emerging interpersonal conflict, it is easy to assume that others are being difficult, unreasonable, or stubborn. We are apt to grow frustrated when someone in our environment does not share our opinions or feel compelled to support us in our endeavors. It is likely that the individual or individuals before us may simply possess differing notions with regard to what is and what is not important in this life. We can ease the tension that exists between us by reaffirming our belief in the fundamental right of all beings to determine their own destinies. To foster a harmonious relationship, we need to do our best to relate to the unique universes they inhabit. And as we discover what makes them tick, our ability to find a mode of interaction that is pleasing to both of us is enhanced.

When there are barriers keeping you from connecting with someone else, think of questions you can ask them to gain a more thorough understanding of their point of view. You may discover that in addition to the differences in perspective dividing you, they are subject to insecurities and other personal issues that influence their way of seeing the world. It is likely that you will never fully grasp the myriad complexities embodied by humanity, but you can go a long way toward encouraging mutually satisfying relations by reaching out to others in the spirit of sympathetic comprehension.
 
(Source: DailyOm)

Mars & Venus

Men communicate to exchange facts and information, while women communicate to exchange experiences and feelings.


Consider the following scenario: A woman drags herself through the door after a long, stressful and exhausting day at work. “I am so fed up with that job. I don’t know if I can take it anymore.” she tells her husband. His response is generally succinct and predictable: “Quit,” he says.

That’s not the answer she’s looking for, at least not so fast. A woman really just wants her man to listen. And discuss. Commiserate even. And then listen some more. Like her girlfriends.

The problem here is that men aren’t girlfriends. They’re men. With short attention spans especially when women start talking “feelings” and emotions. To expect a man to listen and not “solve the problem” is rather like walking outside in the rain without a coat or umbrella and expecting to stay dry.

Because men are geared to approach a conversation as a way to show off their “problem solving” expertise, while women approach conversations as a way to bond with each other, “processing” the emotions surrounding the problem before actually delving into the problem.

When a woman is faced with a problem or issue, she’ll usually pick up the phone and share it with every one of her girlfriends, female relatives and other women in her social network. She doesn’t want to bottom line it, she wants to tell whole story. And every detail that goes along with it.

On the other hand, when a man has a problem to work out, chances are you won’t find him on the phone or at Poker Night confiding in his pals before upping the ante. Most probably you’ll find him puttering and tinkering in the basement or garage. In silence – and alone.

Men tend to go into themselves and internalize until they are done with the issue and ready to go on.

So what’s a girl to do? The answer is simple. Understand and accept the differences between men and women and their styles of communication. Don’t expect your man to be your girlfriend, because he can’t be. It’s not in his programming. He’s a man who, seeing you upset and hearing of a problem, wants to fix it for you. Bless his information and fact sharing heart!

Want to learn even more about the differences between how men and women process experiences? Come to Movie Night this Friday for Brene` Brown’s “The Hustle for Worthiness” Click here for more information!